Preoccupation
On day 4 of the FSC I have been consumed. It has been difficult for me to see my body respond to a decreased amount of food. I was starting to feel things on day 2, but didn’t credit it to the FSC because this type of hunger was something that I hadn’t experienced before. Sure, I’ve been “starving” at the end of a long workday, but I almost feel guilty describing my hunger that way at this point. It has not been until these feelings intensified that I've been able to peg them for what they are, hunger.
"Today has been the most difficult so far."
This is where I get really honest folks. This is a learning experience, so get ready for some honest sharing. I have woken up hungry the last two mornings. I can’t tell you how depressing this is. Deep down I hoped that while I slept, my body would forget I was hungry and allow me to recharge and tackle my morning head on. No dice.
Today has been the most difficult so far. I can’t focus to save my life. Luckily I’m on top of things, but tasks that require more than 10 minutes of focus are quite an effort to complete. I was just digging deeper through the blogs of the congressmen and woman who stepped up to the Challenge last month. A line from Congresswoman Barbara Lee really hit home. “It's hard to concentrate for any length of time on anything except food. I don't know how people with no money for decent meals do anything - study, work, exercise, read, have fun, etc.” Indeed, I have been experiencing this same thing. Last night I pondered writing a list of all the things I plan to cook for myself Sunday night so that I would be able to enjoy them right away on Monday. As I type that last line, it hurts. I reread it and know the truth behind it, yet I feel embarrassed. Embarrassed by my weakness, my lack of focus. It’s only been 4 days. How can my body and mind be so affected!
I’ve considered how beneficial this experience would have been in my undergrad. I was a psychology major. What I feel now relates to so much. I readily salivate when conversations about food arise (conditioning, think Pavlov’s dogs). This happens frequently when I have lunch with the ladies across the hall. Maybe we always talked about recipes, but I’m more conscious of it this week. This also makes me reflect on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs which basically states that human beings must first satisfy physiological needs (food, water, shelter) before they can satisfy attachment and self-actualization needs. (See the diagram) My physiological needs are not being satisfied. It is impacting everything.
Needless to say, this is becoming more of a challenge. But that is the point.
Labels: preoccupation
